According to the Darwinian theory of Survival of the Fittest, beings with limited ability to ward off natural threats to their wellbeing will eventually succumb to these threats and their species will become extinct. Referencing this theory, I ask you then, why is Jessica Simpson still alive?
Simpson recently announced that she’s been looking into taking college courses in theology. Here’s a direct quote from the new issue of Marie Claire:
“I’ve been contemplating taking a college course in religion. I love religion. I remember whenever the book ‘The Da Vinci Code’ came out, the Discovery Channel did this three-night piece on it that I TiVoed and then watched eight times.”
Well spank my ass and call me Langdon! Is this not the smartest (no pun intended) idea you’ve ever heard, or are her Jessica Simpson-brand “Hair U Wear†hair extensions wound into her scalp too tightly? Coincidentally, number one on “Things Jessica Simpson Should Never Do†list is attempt to take college courses (number two is procreate, may God be with you, Tony Romo). I watched Teen Witch twice this weekend, should I be “contemplating†courses in sorcery? Although I am magical, if there is one thing Simpson is, it is not college-bound.
Ok, ok, maybe I’m being too hard on her. Even though she once thought her tuna was chicken, thought Buffalo wings were made of real buffalo’s…wings, and famously starred in questionably sexual Pizza Hut commercials before announcing that she’s allergic to each and every ingredient in any pizza ever made (is this broad food-retarded?), she has really great breasts.
No, no, there’s really no redemption, is there. Simpson in college courses would require a huge effort by a grand team of people, including at least one short-bus driver. Could the recent increase in the volume of collagen being pumped into her lips be preparation for professor-targeted ass kissing? Will she be bullied? Will she develop a penchant for Adderall and Ramen? Will I be the sole consumer of her hair extensions, bought only for the purpose of self-strangulation? Possibly. This sounds like a VH1 reality show in the making. Sorry “Charm School,†you’re getting bumped.
Aliza, I nearly peed my pants.
Irony:
3 a (1): incongruity (inconsistency) between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result
Application in this article:
Assessing Jessica Simpson’s merits as a human being (insinuating that she has little worth) by referencing her boyfriend…and misspelling his name.
Tony Romo.
Now, making fun of handicapped people (“at least one short-bus driver”) to help argue your point? That’s classless. Jessica may not be your type, but her idiosyncrasies have earned her a yearly income that most people will never make in their lifetime.
And she hasn’t posed naked or leaked a porno to do it. Or gone to college.
Just music, and tuna, and yes, great breasts.
That’s a pretty smart girl if you ask me.
to humility is calling-
you are in dire need of a sense of humor. The term “short bus” has become part of everyday speech, no one uses it to make fun of handicapped people, it’s simply a way of busting on someone when they do something stupid.
And of course your attempted defense of Jessica, which is pointless anyway, comes down to the same pathetic logic that fans of celebrities have used for decades: she makes lots of money.
Since when did income indicate brains or worth to society, or preclude being made fun of?
She may not have released a porno, but her career is based upon the same concept of anything for money. Show off the great boobs, be so stupid you actually cause laughter, make the videos that go with your crappy songs as sexually suggestive as possible.
And by your definition her dad is the smart one anyway, he’s the one who has gotten as much money as possible from such a minimal talent (maximum cup size).
Jessica doesn’t realize that theology doesn’t solely consist of christianity. The contrasting viewpoints may cause her to implode. Also, I’m pretty sure that The Da Vinci Code isn’t required reading in any religion course.
Hahaha, what an amazing post! When I read that article, that same exact quote jumped out at me, and I bet I’ll have a new wrinkle in my forehead from the perplexed look on my face that followed.
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jessica still rox so hate on haters!!
Be nice everybody
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