Relationship Spotting: Is Trust a Choice?
When you first meet a guy you have no prior knowledge of him and no history for comparison, so you have to choose to trust him. Many girls (especially those who have dated jerk-offs) go into relationships thinking that trust has to be earned. These girls often end up with broken hearts, resulting from the fact that they didn’t have enough confidence to trust their guys. Is it their fault that they were burned in the past? Of course not. Is it their fault that they brought their bullshit from a previous relationship into a new one? Absolutely.
I understand that choosing to trust someone may be a foreign concept, so here is the breakdown.
1. Listen to what your guy says.
I don’t care if he is explaining that happened on his guy’s night out, or telling you about how he was molested by his baby sitter, which is why he suffers from premature ejaculation. Most of the time when people listen, they don’t hear because they are actually paying attention to a separate narrative in their heads. When he says: “Me and the guys just went out for a beer after work” and you hear: “I am telling you we just had a beer, but there were girls there, and I was drunk, so long story short, I got a rimjob on a pool table,” there is definitely a trust issue present.
2. Ask yourself whether your mistrust has to do with your own insecurity.
Many times, you will take your own past experiences and hold your new man accountable for them. You will use your past as ammunition for why your guy is untrustworthy, and why a guy could never go to Vegas without sodomizing a stripper, but you have to remember that your bullshit is your own, and its not fair to thrust that baggage on someone else. If someone cheated on you, it was most likely their own insecurity that convinced them to do it. If you let your own insecurity ruin something great with a new guy, then you are really no better than your ex.
3. Choose whether or not you want to trust your man.
If you want the relationship to work, choose to trust your guy. It doesn’t really matter what happened in the past, you have the opportunity to choose every time the issue of trust comes up. Choosing not to trust him basically says that you have already given up on the relationship, because as we all know, a relationship is nothing without trust. If you are reading this and saying: “I don’t think my man deserves my trust, because he has fucked up so many times in the past” then go back to step #2. If you don’t trust your guy because of your own issues, get over them. He doesn’t deserve that. If you don’t trust your guy because he has cheated on you 13 times, then you will probably never trust him and chances are you are already pretty unhappy. So ditch the bitch, clean house, and get back to a good mental place where you can create a good relationship with a guy who is worthy of your trust.
I know that its a bitch to let someone in, and the last thing we want is to be vulnerable, but if real love is what you are after then you have to make the choice to gamble with your heart every time, and extend your trust. Some guys may take advantage of that, but the one that doesn’t is the one that is worth it. You will never find that guy without trust.[ via ]