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Rant of the Week: Penis Sizing up the competition by Ethnicity

By • Jan 26th, 2012 • Category: Dating, SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS, Sex Life

I don’t really consider myself to be a size queen (if you are reading this site I assume you have met a gay man in your travels at one point, and know that a size queen refers to someone who only likes well endowed men) but in the 27 ‘cough’ years that I have been alive I have seen a decent amount of dicks. Big, medium sized, small, and and oddly shaped dicks of varying ethnicities have thrown themselves at me from all angles, and I have probably said yes more times than not. Every dick is attached to a person, however, and that person has an ethnicity. So here is the breakdown:

Italian/Jewish dicks: Require a toothpick and some rinsing water. In my experience both Italian and Jewish guys are pretty well endowed but they both trend to the hairy side. Honestly, after a saucy summer night with an Italian guy once I coughed up a hairball the size of Rhode Island. I think perhaps God was drunk when he invented the chosen people, as the older they get the more the hair migrates from their heads to their backs.

Eastern European dicks: Honestly my favorite right now (Probably because the guy I am seeing is European and huge). Generally however, penis size in Europe varies greatly. They may not always be the biggest and with their lack of color they may resemble a hairless cat, but the great thing about European guys¬† is that they have the panty dropping accent, but you can still understand them when they say “You’re leaving after we are done, right mate?”

Puerto Rican dicks: I tend to stay away from them. A Puerto Ridcan dick is an angry dick, even though they are generally pretty large. Puerto Rican dicks are normally attached to hairless brown gentlemen, and honestly if I wanted that I would just screw myself. I’m brown. And hairless. Not to mention, Latinos are generally very passionate people, meaning that if you can even get through a blowjob without them getting angry or jealous you should count yourself lucky. But Jesus, they’re so hot and spicy (again, like me).

The moral of the story here is that every single tiny dick I have ever seen has belonged to a white American male. I don’t know what it is about the US, but I am starting to think that we didn’t migrate here to escape England. I think perhaps England was trying to rid itself of all the tiny dicks. Luckily, America is a melting pot, and through the mixing of cultures and ethnicities we have almost entirely bred all the tiny penises away.

Stem cell research anyone?

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is Gary is the gay guy that every girl wants to be, and every guy wants to be with (Mostly because he can't get pregnant). He is based in Manhattan, but loves traveling to exotic new people, and sleeping with interesting new places. He is an adventurous writer, photographer, and web designer that will try almost anything if it makes a good story. All posts by

  • you stupid fellow

    Sounds like you are Ph.D.on penis sizes.How many penis you already had in your rear or front?

    • Gary

      The limit does not exist – Lindsay Lohan

  • TheTruthHurts

    Cool story bro, too bad ethnicity has no impact on penis size so your pseudoscience is invalid.

    • ButtHole

      To tell you the truth, ethnicity does have some impact on penis size. Italian, Latin, African men tend to have the biggest, followed by other Europeans, who have medium ones, followed by angry, tiny-dicked Asians such as yourself. Trust me, one day I felt insecure, did a search on each country’s average, and found the results. I don’t know why I felt insecure. My penis is 7.5 inches, but that’s not the point. Also, I’m not saying that there cant be African men with Asian dicks or vice versa, I’m just saying that those people would be outliers.

      • averagejoe

        You know how I know you’re insecure? Because you have to big up your ethnic origins and put down others so you can (for once) feel big about yourself. I’m sorry but your dick is merely average. As an Asian (myself) with a dick the same size as yours, we’re all average buddy. With my average dick, it never matters who I’ve fucked. Every girl I’m with has their eyeballs in the back of their head once I ram ‘em hard.

        You’re just a mad pathetic cucky white boy whose wife is now lusting after real meat. Enjoy fiddling with your tiny shrimp dick tonight once your woman gets seeded by a real man!

  • Niggaliscious

    Go fuck yourself fagoof

  • Sheyla

    I’am a white american girl , and i love i love italian dicks , espiciality big dicks of the sardians guys . I have a gangbang whith six sardinians guys and is beatiful ! Once you go italians and sardies dicks you’l never go back .
    Sardies are the most big dicks in the world !

    I wanna suck more sardinian dicks !

  • Kaz

    Omg I don’t understand why people always associate Italians solely with being hairy. They are no hairier than other Caucasians. Its just the metrosexuals in countries like Sweden shave almost all their hair off like women. But yes its true Italians do typical have big cocks just see here.

    They also know how to fuck