Ever walk through Union Square and get the sinking feeling that everyone around you weighs anywhere between 15 and 1000 pounds less than you? Guess what, fatties: a new study says that while your eating habits are dead wrong, your self-loathing observation is right on the money!
Unless of course, you’re a resident of Manhattan. Which would make you one of the skinnies. According to federal data charting the body-mass index of every American, Manhattan is 67% skinnier than the rest of the nation. A NY-Times trend piece talked to a bunch of skelators to find out why this might be, but I’ve got my own suspicions. Here are 5 reasons why NYC is full of skinny bitches*:
1. This is a Manhattan entree. I could put away 10-12 of these things after a couple of cocktails. Blindfolded. Of course, these things run at about $14-32 bucks a pop, so you either eat this stuff because you’ve got money, or you abstain from eating because you can’t afford to.
2. The skinnier you are, the easier it is to fit both yourself and your posessions into a 310 square foot apartment.
3. This is a Manhattan breakfast. Your level of svelte directly correlates with how black your coffee is. Extra points for menthol cigs. Who needs those additional toothpaste calories?
4. Openly eating fast-food is social suicide anywhere below 125th street. Mention that you ate McDonalds five years ago and Manhattanites will look like you slapped them in the face with a trimmed brisket. Personally, I only buy McDonalds at 1 o’clock in the morning after drinking so much alcohol that my blood could replace ethanol as a fuel additive. And of course, I do this on my way home to Brooklyn, where there are apparently more obese people with whom I can relate.
5. In a city full of history, art, music, and culture… there’s honestly no better way to spend your time than at Bikram yoga.
*Generalizations: they’re my thing.
Seriously. Plus, if you think about it, the skinnier you get, the less room you take up… so your apt seems bigger.
oh for the love of hamburgers and cupcakes. ps- you’re amazing.
I am a frequent visitor of Manhattan and the above 5 reasons resound with me to a deafening level! But you forgot all the WALKING! And in high heels no less. My calves are always their sexiest after a week in NYC. Great read Steph!
parliament lights & a black iced coffee? breakfast of hipsters?
correction* american spirit menthols & a black iced coffee. what was i thinking?
HILARIOUS! Excellent read…def the pick-me-up to get me through the rest of my day!