Jewish Girl Feelings on Yom Kippur

A chronological gallery of Jewish girl feelings on Yom Kippur, as told by sometimes inappropriate gifs.

You start the morning off by remembering you can’t even brush your teeth. This is how you feel about other people’s breath entering your space.

Then you get to synagogue and you’re all like…

 Around 11 AM you’re all like…

By noon you hear a girl next to you talking about bagels. You want to turn around and be like…

Then the fantasies and delusions start. You should’ve been 800 calories into your day by now, at the very least.

It’s like 2 PM and you’re engaged in total self battle. Who will win? You decide to woo yourself with thoughts of a cellulite-free lifestyle.

By around 3 PM you’re walking home and run into your fave goy on the street- he or she has a snack in hand. You stare at the snack ravenously, but he or she is all like…

Is this the end? You feel your organs giving up, and you’re fighting for it all. The fight in you is strong, though.

It’s 5:30 PM. All the more casual Jews you know are already starting to feast. You’re wondering why you didn’t stuff your bra with donuts. 1.5 hours left.

6 PM. This is you to the fullest. Every inch of your soul knows this reality.

7 PM. YOU MADE IT. But honestly, if a single person even speaks while you inhale your first dose of carbs… THEY DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW.

It’s dark out, and this is you. This is where you are with your life. This is how you want the world to see you.

 

Bryce Gruber is a Manhattanite mom who can be found jet-setting off to every corner of the globe. She loves exotic places, planes with WiFi, summer clothes, & Sucre brown butter truffles. Bryce's aim is to do to luxury what Elton John did to being gay. Follow her on twitter @brycegruber

  • Desi

    I’m not Jewish, but I have read a lot about your faith. I have a great deal of respect for the religious holidays you observe, but I don’t understand why you can’t brush your teeth in your fast of Yom Kippur, could you please explain?

    • Bryce

      Hi Desi, we aren’t supposed to have even a single drop of food of water in our mouths during this time. There’s water from brushing teeth and sugar in the toothpaste:)

  • David

    This is not funny and very inappropriate.

    I expect better from you