Your gross blackheads could be your next paycheck.

Put down the Biore strip, friend.

This is about to take a very weird, wild, and possibly nauseating turn. Put down your salad, rip off that nose strip before the glue hardens, and get ready for your next get rich quick scheme: there’s an actual person out there willing to pay you for your skin woes. You can make actual US currency off your gross blackheads.

Now, I understand this isn’t what you had in mind when you started your adult life, and it hardly compares to getting paid to eat pizza, or the fact that you can get paid to travel, but letting someone pop your pimples and encourage blackhead drainage for $45 an hour is a real opportunity if you’re hard up for work.

Seriously. You can make $45 an hour, plus benefits (not health insurance, but other benefits) getting clearer skin. 

Let’s break this NYC Craigslist ad down line by line though, shall we? Here’s how it starts out:

Hello, 

I am one of the popaholic obsessed with watching videos of blackheads/pimples/sebaceous filaments being picked at or popped. I thought I give myself a holiday present this year and pop some pimples of my own. Only I don’t seem to have any. This is where you come in. If you have pimples/acne/blackheads and would allow me to pop them I would be extremely grateful. 
I would pay you too. 

Oh, okay. Let’s continue.

$45 an hour. 
Please send pictures of what you would let me pop and your availability. I would be using the Enilsa Brown method of q-tips
(and rubber gloves of course), and if you are comfortable a sterile needle to help any sticky ones out. I would also use rubbing alcohol and use Clearasil Deep Pore Acne Pads at the end. 

Yup, yup. Everything is totally legit and clinical-seeming. 100% above-board over here in Midtown, and just to prove it, this special gem of a line at the end:

You: Can bring a friend, to pass the time and make you feel comfortable. and I’m 420 friendly and can provide a joint or two.
Better yet, if you look at the map, it’s delightfully close to Bergdorf Goodman and Barney’s, so you’ll have an easy way to spend all that hard-earned cash. 
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Bryce Gruber is a Manhattanite mom who can be found jet-setting off to every corner of the globe. She loves exotic places, planes with WiFi, summer clothes, & Sucre brown butter truffles. Bryce’s aim is to do to luxury what Elton John did to being gay. Follow her on twitter @brycegruber