There are many dying children out there whose last wish is to meet me. -David Hasselhoff
1. David Hasselhoff, Really? Who the hell says that? Either way, it’s my quote of the day just because I like to highlight the occasional lunatic. It’s pretty clear you inhaled a lot of sand during your time on Baywatch, and probably some of Kit’s exhaust.
2. Flying My Way Back to the Single Life. Sometime this past March I told Boyfriend that I wanted to take flying lessons as soon as the weather got nice. He said that sounded cool. About a month later, on April 15, he gave me a birthday card that said “Let’s take a flying lesson next week!” …Well, as expected, he was too busy to take me flying for over two months. But that’s ok, because we got to do it last week on the very last day of June. We went up in the air together with me in the cockpit, flying a 1967 Cessna prop plane (yeah, tiny and a little scary). At some point during the lesson the instructor told me that it was my turn to take over the control of the plane. For the first time in my life I felt physical fear. I said I needed a minute… that “Adam” would have to continue flying for a minute until I caught my breath. He did. Boyfriend sat behind me, rubbed my shoulders, and told me he was proud of me for admitting some level of fear. It was a wild dose of adrenaline that I loved. I felt a heavy, panicked spot in my chest when we were parking the plane near the hangar and he brought up the topic of his honeymoon with his ex-wife (of 5 years) unnecessarily at the close of my birthday gift. I knew he had simply too much baggage for this to go on. By the time the flight lesson was done, so were we.
3. Baggage. …isn’t always a bad thing. I think for some people a little baggage makes them stronger, wiser, and more aware. In this case, Boyfriend didn’t even realize he was carrying his baggage around for 5 years… preventing him from connecting on any super deep, meaningful levels to any woman- not just me. My priority is always to be a mom first, and I couldn’t keep playing house and drifting along in a relationship that was bound to hit the 1 year mark sooner or later that didn’t have the legs to make it to anything more than a boyfriend-girlfriend kind of deal. Had I been a typical 27 year old NYC girl without a kid to consider, I probably would’ve played this game another 6 months or so, but that wasn’t the case. Benny deserves permanence and love that doesn’t end, and I think I do, too.
4. Thank You! I think this relationship might’ve been the training wheels I needed to get my head back on straight. Before him I wasn’t sure I even wanted to be with a man in a family setting. I didn’t think I wanted a husband, and I couldn’t stand the thought of having to have babies WITH a man… mostly because I never really had the experience of the man, woman, child dynamic. Now I’ve seen that there’s a reason families exist, that kids need and deserve that, and that I’m completely capable of getting there emotionally. Boyfriend, now ex, was one of the most intense sets of training wheels I’ve ever worn… and I can’t thank him enough. He’s a good guy, and I can’t think of a better, gentler way to have learned these lessons. And I’m sort of excited to ride the real, grown-up bike now.
5. All that being said… I’m going to continue my flying lessons next week in Canada 🙂