Top Five Penis Cakes

Written by Gary

This penis cake proves that from the beginning, women always had bigger balls.

Since the dawn of time, people have used the symbol of the phallus to celebrate fertility, religion, and godliness. Here in 2012, we call it the symbol of the dick and we use it to remind our slutty friends that we know all their dirty little secrets, and we love them that much more for it. You don’t buy a penis cake for a bat mitzvah or church picnic. You buy a penis cake to help all your skankiest (read: most awesome) friends celebrate when someone is finally man enough to put a ring on one of your fingers and tame the beast, so to say. I have collected the top 5 Happenis cakes from around the world. If these pictures don’t make you hungry, then you are either vegan, or a big, angry, butch lesbian.

Those spikes are meant to protect the testes, which is where a man keeps his financial secrets. If you don’t believe me, lick them and see. Just remember to write down all the numbers that pour out of his mouth.

This woman is either a stripper named Amber Alert, or her husband wears a size 15 shoe.

Kim Kardashian’s 18th birthday cake.

Secret message from fiance to husband-to-be: I have a vice grip on your dick so don’t fuck around or I’ll snap it off like a plastic press-on manicure.

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About the author


Gary is the gay guy that every girl wants to be, and every guy wants to be with (Mostly because he can't get pregnant). He is based in Manhattan, but loves traveling to exotic new people, and sleeping with interesting new places. He is an adventurous writer, digital artist, and game designer that will try almost anything if it makes a good story.
--Instagram: @garyadrianrandall --Twitter: @gadrianrandall

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