If you haven’t seen the videos or heard the songs from Beyoncé’s new album, pull the industrial sized pixie stick out of your anus, and download it fucking immediately. Let me just start by saying that I am not one of those gays that shits his panties in glee every time a pop diva strings together a few sentences and puts it to a beat. I was never really that big of a Beyoncé fan, to be honest. I have now converted, and know that god is a black woman. Beyoncé’s new album has changed the music industry forever.
How, you ask? When most pop stars release one or two music videos a year, Beyoncé released 14, all at once, and each video has some groundbreaking element. Most pop stars leak their own music to amp up sales and employ huge marketing campaigns. Beyoncé didn’t tell a damn person about this. She dropped her record down the stairs and walked the fuck away. The 14 songs, when watched in order are incredibly personal, and seem like less of a bunch of music videos, and more like a cinematic fucking masterpiece put to music. Lastly, every single song borrows heavily from at least 1,000 other references. People always talks about how Beyonce copies everyone, and in this album she did it so intentionally and blatantly that it reads as a big, loud fuck you to everyone else currently using their vocal cords to make a living. She does Britney, Katy Perry, Rihanna, Shakira, Eve, Nicki Minaj, Lady Gaga, Madonna, and even Ke$ha better than any of them ever could.
If you don’t believe me, watch the videos. I promise you have never seen anything like it before, but have also seen 1,000 things like it, at the same time. And now that she made the choice to elevate her album to a new form of art which watches like a fucking 3 hour musical movie, everyone else is going to have to copy her to keep up. Fucking genius.
Here is a slideshow of the top 7 internet reactions to the Beyoncépocalypse. Hold onto your lace-fronts, ladies.