I was talking to my roommate today about our exes. My roommate happens to be one of those really awesome guys who happen to always attract total douche-bags. I have often asked myself if I am one of those douche-bags (since I did date him 10 years ago) but I consider myself the exception, which probably actually does make me a douche-bag.
We were talking about one of his exes, with whom he had an abusive relationship. Since they broke up six years ago, my roommate has found it hard to meet guys. I suggested that this might be because he has unfinished business with his ex. Even though they are no longer in each other’s lives, when my roommate thinks of that ex, he has a visceral reaction. Think back on all your exes and imagine them all standing in a line behind you. Does one of them stand out just a little? If so, that probably means you have unfinished business.
My suggestion to my roommate is that he has never forgiven his ex for what went down between them, and that he needs to talk to him, and forgive him. I didn’t say forget, because I think the Holocaust proved to all of us that you should never forget, but forgiveness is something you give out, but what you get back in return is much more valuable. Peace of mind is a pretty valuable thing. The ability to move on is even better.[ via ]