1. Does life suck or do we suck at life?
2. If your boss follows you Instagram be smart and don’t post pictures of yourself drinking, making out, or doing drugs. Use your brain people.
3. It’s okay to love and watch the show GIRLS. But it is not okay to aspire to be like the girls on the show. Remember the show was created to make fun of girls. If you MUST look up to one of the girls, you can admire Jemima Kirke’s skin and hair. It’s perfect.
4. Dear Starbucks, put the soy milk out with the other milk. I really shouldn’t have to ask twice.
5. It’s 2013. Wearing UGGS is never okay. Never. I was skiing in Utah last week and it was negative five degrees. I didn’t wear them and I was fine.
6. When people yell at you to get off your phone, yell back “I’m working! At least I have a job!” It will make them think twice about their job.
7. A real gentlemen pays for drinks and the morning after pill.
8. Men, I do not believe that your real name is one letter. Cut it out.
9. Always clean your apartment and hide your jewelry and valuables before you go out for the night. What if you bring someone home and end up sleeping with them? What happens if they turn up to be a crazy person and want to steal your diamond watch? You’ll thank me one day.
10. Kale is on its way out. I think.