Stop me if you have heard this one before. Girl transforms herself with surgery and makeup in order to look like a living Barbie Doll and give Japanese businessmen everywhere a reason to erotically asphyxiate while watching Sailor Moon re-runs. Boy decides that even though he is of some vaguely Asian or Latino descent, he wants to have over 100 surgeries to look like a living Ken Doll. Boy meets girl. A rivalry ensues. Boy dresses like girl to make a point. It’s a timeless love story, no?
If you have been paying attention to the Internet, you know that real life Barbie that actually looks like an anime porn whore two seconds away from being penetrated by an octopus robot Valeria Lukyanova, and real life Ken that actually looks like all the Real Housewives melted together in a plastic surgery mansion fire caused by one of their incompetent Hispanic maids Justin Jedica don’t really get along. I’m pretty sure its because they are having a competition for who has the most cataclysmic case of body dysmorphia brought on by low self esteem. Now photos have resurfaced of Justin Jedica, who decided to prove a point that anyone can slap on some $3 dollar Mary Kate Olsen for Eckerds eyeshadow and look like a real life Barbie.
His point is that he has spent over $150,000 of money he earned by blowing saggy old men to permanently transform himself in to a living Ken doll. Her point is that she was meant to be RuPaul’s makeup artist, because she creates the illusion of being a real life Barbie with nothing but a lot of makeup, hair extensions from Donatella Versace’s bath-tub drain, and fake boobs she borrowed from Courtney Stodden. My point is that they are both desperate fame-whores, and this is real life Ken’s most recent ploy to garner some publicity by dressing up like Micky Rourke in full-on drag with a wig from Party City.
You be the judge, however. Does Justin Jedica have a point that he is the “real deal” since he underwent permanent surgery to end up resembling a butch, pan-Asian Nicole Kidman, or do you side with Valeria Lukyanova, who according to Justin, is a plain Jane who just likes to play dress-up?
I am team Ken doll all the way. Firstly because anyone that publishes photos of themselves on the Internet in dime-store princess party drag has absolutely no shame, and secondly because I have met him before at a pool party, and judging from the wrinkly dicks surrounding him he has earned every ounce of botox and collagen circulating through his system.
That Tyra Bank lace-front wig is a travesty of biblical proportions, though.via ]