Jolly for you if you see the day after Thanksgiving as a mecca of all that is holy in retail.
To many, it’s known as the day of the Turkey Dump. Thanksgiving weekend is often the first time undergrads return to their hometown for an extended weekend, and after they emerge from their binge of turkey and stuffing, they are headed to add you to their list of hometown leftovers.
According to urbandictionary.com, the Turkey Dump refers to when students returning home from college break-up with their significant others from high school. You see, you may have gone away to college pledging your love forever — but that was only until you reached dorm life and realized just how much fun existed on the other side.
Speaking in practical terms, Thanksgiving is probably your last semi-appropriate chance to end a relationship during the fall term. After that, it’s finals and Christmas and New Years — and that’s downright cruel. You may as well show someone you care and dump them during the weekend of gratitude and thankfulness.
If you are reading this and you are considering the turkey dump, riddle me this: Will you be happier single? No. You have your bitter 30s for that. Will you end up sending drunk 3 am texts trying to “go down memory lane”? Probably.
Sad but true scientific fact: Few and glorious are the men in our life that are ready for commitment. There’s something about inching closer to Christmas and the New Year that reminds even the most mature men in their late thirties that if they’re not ready to commit, they better rid themselves of their relationship before the last pumpkin pie goes on sale at Trader Joe’s. Sorry, true. Just don’t expect the suckage that is dating to go away.
Maybe your relationship just doesn’t fit in your life anymore. Or, maybe you are the dumpee and you are still reeling that your forever love has just left you. Mourn and move on — and then eat some more pumpkin pie. And chin up. You have many other breakups to come. And, no, you’ll never get used to them. Happy holidays!