Bryce Gruber’s Thoughts of the Day (easy in general edition)

Written by Bryce

Nipple rings & bad dates.

Writing is a lonely job unless you’re a drinker, in which case you always have a friend within reach. -Emilio Estevez

1. Nipple Rings at Friday Dinner. Every Friday night I have a big, family style dinner sort of like the traditional Sunday dinner that most church-goers partake in. There’s food, a bunch of loving people, and generally wholesome conversation. It’s a good way for me to end the week and relax a little after a typically wild few days of work, going out, and parenting. This past Friday night, however, I had the pleasure of overhearing one of my best friends in conversation with a man I didn’t really know:

Best Friend: Hey, Bobby, I think you dated a friend of mine a long time ago… good to finally meet you.

Bobby: Really? Did I? What’s her name?

Best Friend: Lauren, your moms actually set the two of you up. She’s a single mom… lives in Brooklyn. Any of this ringing a bell?

Bobby: Nope. Have no idea. I date a lot of people.

Best Friend: You only had one date with her, so I guess you just don’t remember.

(30 seconds of silence, Bobby’s mental wheels turning furiously)


Wait, what? You only had one date with this single mom in Brooklyn? How the hell do you have information on her nipples?!

2. Speaking of bad dates… Over the past few weeks I’ve had the pleasure of dating a fair amount, and by “fair amount” I just mean I’ve had lots of dates and limited physical interaction (I’m not sure I’m quite there, yet). One of the dudes I had a few dates with was surprisingly young for me (27-whoa), kind of religious (not usually my thing), and physically very different than my typical dark and hairy type (don’t judge- we all have our types). I figured I’d give it a try though because I totally respected him on an intellectual level, and he had an ultra calm energy about him that I really appreciated. I didn’t realize that ultra calm energy would also translate into “I’m not putting much effort into anything… even dating.” I had a particularly lackluster date with him about a week ago. I was really surprised that he didn’t seem to notice how mediocre the date was, because he kept texting everyday after (why?!). In fact, yesterday he emailed to ask me out yet again. So rather than handle it in one of my 2 typical fashions (either totally ignore the dude or give it another try because I’ve convinced myself that there simply MUST be more to the dude), I actually wrote a mature message to him in response for a change. “I think where you are at 27 is prob pretty different from where I am at 27… And I’m not trying to rush anyone to get here:)”

And, whaddya know, it got a mature response! He called immediately, apologized for poor communication, citing heavy workload and thanking me for letting him know after 4 dates rather than 9 or 10.

3. If you didn’t already see this… I posted it to my twitter and facebook pages (um, please follow!), but it’s good enough for another round of laughter! I mean, after all, it’s what celebrities drink:

About the author


Bryce Gruber is a Manhattanite mom who can be found jet-setting off to every corner of the globe. She loves exotic places, planes with WiFi, summer clothes, & Sucre brown butter truffles. Bryce's aim is to do to luxury what Elton John did to being gay. Follow her on twitter @brycegruber

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