The Only Barbie I Want Is Barbie Birkin

I grew up on the shores of New Jersey. It wasn’t very luxury but I gave it my best damn shot. When I was feeling down, I would grab my Barbie and make her a happy home. Why? Happy wife, happy life. Got it? My mother swears to this day that I “allegedly” stole a childhood friend’s pink Barbie car and hid it in our garage for a week. Now before we go pressing all types of charges, let’s discuss how my mother deprived me of a set of pink wheels to cruise the big kids with. In the quest for happiness, I’ve come one step closer by finding the fame Instagram account that is BarbieBirkin.


Let’s be real here, if you’re not using your Chanel boots as bondage gear then you don’t deserve Chanel boots. You think CoCo got through on design talent? That girl was getting tied up with tweed on the daily.

About the author


Corey is a self-proclaimed heiress and the love child of Anne Boleyn and Marie Antoinette. He's a thug in a cocktail dress with a penchant for open-bars and puns. He has his barista's call him Beyonce and he's never been to Brooklyn.

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