FASHION Shoes and Accessories

10 Ways to Know if You’re a Tacky Fashion Failure

Written by Bryce

It hit me like a ton of bricks this morning: Pinterest is basically a showcase for girls who think they’re all up on fashion but are really just perpetuating terrible taste, and what’s worse, terrible values. Let me elaborate by giving ten examples of really common fashion failures by all the girls who think they’re mega hawt. You know what’s really hot? Putting good looks together based on quality, color palettes, textures, and perhaps stylistic influences.

1. You either have had a cake with a logo on your birthday, like the idea, or think it’s “classy and cool.”

2. You boast about your collection of “Loubs” on Twitter, Facebook, and/or Instagram. Let’s be real, you probably bought them from a knockoff site, and if you didn’t, you’re exactly the kind of person contributing to America’s debt problem. People like you brought our credit rating down, just saying.

3. You have tried painting the underside of your nails red to match a pair of Loubs (which, btw, were cool like 4 years ago). Photo [ via ]

4. You think tights are acceptable as pants.

5. You think miniskirts still look really slammin’ on your bod even though you’re like 37 and have had some kids. Editorial note: try a pencil skirt, please.

6. Huge, chunky diamond earrings that are clearly fake are your favorite accessory. Girl, the fakes often look believable if they’re only 1/2-1 carat. You’re not fooling anyone, and it just makes you look addicted to Claire’s and a false sense of ego.

7. You wear Louis Vuitton monogrammed accessories. 1999 is calling, and would like its luggage back, please. Or, perhaps you didn’t notice, but logos on anything is considered a first class trip to Tackyville these days. By some stroke of genius luck, all the people with good sense and good taste let this trend sit on a back burner post-economic collapse. Hopefully it never returns.

8. You’d rather spend your money on labels than well-made materials. I’m just saying, labels have very little to do with quality. At this point, almost everything is made in China, and you’re likely paying $390 for a poly-blend skirt that’s going to bunch up on you in like 3 minutes flat. Wouldn’t you rather have a no-name cashmere something-er-other for half that, that potentially lasts 5-10 years?

9. You laugh at your mom for shopping at Chico’s, Aerosoles, and TJ Maxx while you wear designer labels (but can’t get a mortgage). Um, your mom’s willingness to choose practicality just might’ve put a roof over your head and a little savings in the bank.

10. You expect your future husband to clean up your fashion debts. This one makes me super sad, but I know more than a few girls who have very little financial safety or freedom, and somehow can be found at Barney’s at least once a week. Their excuses range from, “my future husband will run a hedge fund, so I’m not worried,” to “whatever, it’s not like I’ll marry someone poor.” #vomit

I’m sort of hoping (perhaps foolishly) that this will be a little wake up call to the girls on the edge of fashion and cultural doom, and maybe one day our fashionable elite will be able to look down upon the smiling masses and find them clad in decent fabrics, totally devoid of logos and junk.


Cupcake image [ via ]


About the author


Bryce Gruber is a Manhattanite mom who can be found jet-setting off to every corner of the globe. She loves exotic places, planes with WiFi, summer clothes, & Sucre brown butter truffles. Bryce's aim is to do to luxury what Elton John did to being gay. Follow her on twitter @brycegruber

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