There’s more to the break-up email guy…By Bryce • Dec 8th, 2011 • Category: Dating, SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS
If you read my break-up email post the other day (and it looks like the whole internet did), you probably were left wondering things like “I wish I could correspond with this gentleman myself,” and “wow, how can I read more of this verbal diarrhea?” In good news, he also wrote to one of our readers, Danielle (her name was altered a wee bit to protect her from further wacky emails). Enjoy:
Date: December 8, 2011 1:47:39 AM EST
Subject: Worst breakup letter EVER, Part 2
Dear Luxury Spot,
Regarding your post today for worst breakup letter ever, you’re not going to believe this, but I got a similarly written letter from the same guy (“Mike”) just a few months ago… A little background: I met this guy maybe 5 years ago when I advertised a space on Craigslist that I was renting out for film shoots. We met for literally 45 seconds during which he saw the space, asked a few questions about it, then left, saying he’d be in touch. After that he repeatedly called and sent e-mails claiming that we should be in a relationship (based solely on his astute observation that “I didn’t have a ring on my finger and was obviously a lover of the arts”), until I finally had to threaten to contact the police if he ever called or emailed me again. Recently he attempted to contact me for a “reconciliation” and asked to meet up. He followed it up with this letter which, as you can see, contains many of the same sentences and stylistic details as the one you posted today. Clearly he uses a template! I have to say I was relieved to see your post because I was starting to feel really freaked out that he was contacting me again…but it seems he’s moved on:
I’m disappointed. In my opinion, we should have met. I think we should meet. We could be friends. Even though you treated me badly in the past, I contacted you in May in the spirit of reconciliation, humanity, and generosity. I think meeting would have been the right thing to do. After all, I explicitly mentioned that I wasn’t asking you out on a date (see my email sent in May below). Why did I ask you if you were in a relationship? I asked that because I’m a curious person by nature. The more information I know, the better. The more information I know about a situation, the more I know what to expect (and not expect) from the situation. If I didn’t ask you in the email, I would have asked in person if we had met.
FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can’t see someone’s body language or tone of voice in an email.
I’ve considered the possibility that you might have a boyfriend now. But if I were your boyfriend, I wouldn’t have a problem if you had met with me. After all, it wouldn’t be a date and we wouldn’t be doing anything romantic; it would just be platonic. In fact, I once dated a woman and she went out platonically with her ex-boyfriend on a regular basis and I didn’t have a problem with that. Obviously, I practice my own philosophy. People shouldn’t be possessive. When people are in a relationship, they should trust each other. Your boyfriend should trust you with respect to your going out with other people.
I wish you would appreciate how much we had in common. We presumably still have a lot in common. (I’m assuming that your current personality is similar to your personality several years ago.) People don’t grow on trees. I can definitely envision us being friends–great friends actually. In my opinion, if we don’t become friends, it would be a shame and tragic in a micro sense. (An example of something tragic in a macro sense would be an earthquake that kills a lot of people.) Loyalty is a quality that I value a great deal. I wish you were loyal to me. Obviously, if a friendship is a two-way street. If you don’t want to be friends, then it’s your fault. It’s not my fault, I reached out this year. Several years have gone by; enough time has passed since 2006. Before you hung up on me the last time we talked, you said you were “sorry.” Well, this is the opportunity for a reconciliation. After sending this email, there isn’t much more for me to say on the issue of friendship between us.
I hope you appreciate that I’m very intelligent and have excellent judgment. (By the way, I certainly don’t think I’m perfect.) I displayed excellent judgment even when I was anxious in 2006. I didn’t over-idealize you; I was right about how much we had in common. In addition, I was correct when I stated that you were mistaken when you said that you were not interested in a relationship. I said that you were too young and that, unless something horrible happened to you (e.g., your getting hit by a truck), you would get into a relationship in the future. That seems to have turned out to be the case.
In terms of human interaction, there is a spectrum. On one end of the spectrum, people don’t socialize at all. At the other end of the spectrum, people spend the rest of their lives together. There’s a lot of scenarios in between those extremes. It shouldn’t be an all-or-nothing thing. I understand that it is common for two people to not socialize after a romance doesn’t work out (or after a romance doesn’t materialize). However, just because something is common doesn’t necessarily mean it is optimal. For example, obesity is common in many countries (including the U.S.). However, being obese is not optimal.
In my opinion, we should meet and be friends. If you want to meet, then let me know and I can call you and we can make plans to meet. If you don’t want to meet, I would appreciate it if you would email me back to let me know that you have read my email.
Bryce is Bryce Gruber is a Manhattanite mom who can be found jet-setting off to every corner of the globe. She loves exotic places, planes with WiFi, summer clothes, & Sucre brown butter truffles. Bryce's aim is to do to luxury what Elton John did to being gay. Follow her on twitter @brycegruber
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