CELEBS

STOP HAVING CHILDREN

Written by Steph

Now that the Gosselin baby makin’ train has come to a screeching halt, that other family who serves as a PSA for birth control has decided it’s time that they take back the headlines. The Duggar family (or clan as they’re often rightfully called) is expecting its 19th child.

The Duggar family home/stable is turning into Noah’s Ark, except instead of animals, they’ve got a surplus of ginger kids. This leads me to believe that in the year 2012 when the world ends, the Duggars will be the first family vetted by NASA to move to Mars or the moon or whatever, in order to repopulate. You know what that means? Ginger kids in space.

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This bothers me on several levels, but perhaps the most discouraging part about this is that all of the children have names that begin with the letter J. What is the point? That Duggar family, so quirky! Nevermind the fact that they will soon have enough family members to play a pro football game, they’ve all got J names, too! (One of them is named Jinger, which I find cruel and hilarious.)

After reading over the existing childrens’ names so many times that they began to resemble a 3rd grade vocabulary test on the 10th letter of the alphabet, I’ve deduced that the Duggars could use some help naming their next tot. After all, they’ve got one named Johannah, one named Jana, and one named Joy-Anna. If your mouth is full, those all sound the same. They’re clearly running out of ideas, so here are my suggestions:

  • Jesus-Christ-Another-Kid
  • Just-Call-Me-Mistake
  • Judas Priest
  • Ju-Gotta-Be-Kidding
  • Jean Claude Van Damme the 2nd
  • Maria

What do YOU think the Duggars should name their spawn?

About the author

Steph

a born-and-bred Brooklyn brunette prone to excessive alliteration. Follow her on Twitter @omgstephlol. Read more here.

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