Relationship Spotting: Learning To Not Give A Damn
Have you ever met a guy that you really, really liked right off the bat? He was cute, and funny, and you couldn’t help but think about what your life together would be like after you got over the initial hurdles of a blossoming relationship and settled into complacency where you finished each other’s sentences and shaved each other’s backs. Then you realized that before you could wife him up, you had to seal the deal and make him fall in love with you. Then, you started to worry, and over-analyze. Then, you spent extra time on your appearance, and thought about everything you said before you said it, and cut yourself off after two drinks even though every capillary in your body was screaming for a keg’s worth of Blue Moon.
When we really like someone, we tend to over-think things, and that tends to ruin it. So how do we seal the deal without acting like an obsessive psycho whose eyes are glued to their phone waiting for a return text message?
We stop giving a damn.
Think about this logically- if you do manage to get past the initial getting-to-know-you stage of a relationship, the version of you that he will get to know is your true self. All the bullshit we put forth when we first meet someone is to get them wriggled onto our hook, all so we can finally let our hair down and be ourselves. We play so many games and act so cool when in reality we are a nervous wreck. Imagine if you could just turn all that nervousness off and stop caring. This may sound very easier said than done, you stupid, stupid gay, but it isn’t.
The trick is to understand that if he doesn’t like your for who you are from the beginning, he isn’t going to like you for who you are after the honeymoon phase. To quote Ke$ha, “We are who we are”.
That being said, no amount of games or well-thought out responses to questions will create chemistry, or cement a relationship; at least not a real relationship. If what you are searching for is true love, and real, shared experiences with someone, then you have to wait for the right person. That person will be on-board with your personality quirks and your insecurities from day one, because they will feel the exact same way.
Besides, if you are really meant to be, he is probably freaking out just as much as you are; so when you think about it in those terms, it makes it just a bit easier to stop giving a damn and start enjoying your relationship.[ via ]