SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS

Megan’s Thoughts on Blowjob Technique

Written by Bryce

This is the way it’s REALLY done.

This came in an email from my friend Megan, who clearly is the most handy (mouthy?) gal in NYC.  Prepare for shock and awe.

thong_bj

“I can only speak for the cut population… i personally think that an uncut penis looks like ALF …and i don’t want that anywhere near/inside/around my mouth (or, any other orifice for that matter).

I’ve always received positive feedback from a little twist action.

My comment: twist and shout.

When you first learn to drive, they tell you to keep both hands on the wheel at all times: 10 and 2. The same concept can be applied to blow jobs and the male genitalia: balls and shaft.

The scrotum is a sac of fun…literally…play…don’t squeeze too hard. No one is going to judge if you want to put a ball or 2 in your mouth… simultaneously…

When you  move your mouth up the shaft, your hand should follow in a twisting motion…then the hand should twist down and your mouth should follow. Only the hand twists…this isn’t The Exorcist…no one’s head should be spinning.

The delegation of hands depends on personal perference and skill. my left hand is in charge of balls. right stays on the shaft. just in case anyone wanted to know.  Note for the ladies with long hair / gay bret michaels wannabes: hair tie / banana clip is required (unless you think it’s necessary to give your man’s hands another purpose besides pushing your head down- in which case, by all means, get him involved). If there isn’t a tacky 80s hair accessory to be had, and your man is a double amputee, I highly suggest using your thong as a makeshift scrunchie. Sure…it’s probably not the most sanitary option- but, let’s face it: you’re going to need to shower after this, anyway.”

Thanks, Megan, you’re a rockstar in your field.

About the author

Bryce

Bryce Gruber is a Manhattanite mom who can be found jet-setting off to every corner of the globe. She loves exotic places, planes with WiFi, summer clothes, & Sucre brown butter truffles. Bryce's aim is to do to luxury what Elton John did to being gay. Follow her on twitter @brycegruber

4 Comments

  • Your multi-tasking skills put me to shame! I admit, I tend to neglect the balls. I’m gonna give this twisting thing a try. Here’s an advance THANK YOU from my boyfriend 🙂

  • Getting clitoral stimulation, while giving him pleasure, simultaneously, can heighten enjoyment, for the woman, if he can focus. Also, try not to be too good, because then he’s going to beg for it all of the time, and there’s only so much Listerine and Halls can do, for a sore & overworked throat and jaws. Trust me, after that you don’t even want to talk anymore- but him- he’ll love it.

  • He may like his nipples pinched and pubic hair twirled at the same time too, but if he takes too long to erupt/ejaculate, the best bet is to ration the head, so you won’t find yourself dependent upon RedBull enemas to replace the energy that he has depleted.

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