FASHION

Like a virgin….with an ugly dress

Written by Aliza

Dear Madonna,

You are wearing a Muppet. This green confection is not only offensive to me, who now has to take a Xanax before opening any magazine in fear that I’ll come across a photo of The Dress again, but is offensive to the fashion industry as a whole. I’m surprised Ms. Piggy wasn’t following you around and humping your leg all night. I understand you’re going through some rough times with your now ex-husband, but 50 percent of the population gets divorced and 100 percent of the population does not skin Fozzie the Bear and dip-dye him green.

As someone who has been a true purveyor of innovative fashion, you, the original Material Girl herself, has erred on the side of fugly and the results were, well, f*cking ugly. Stop me if I’m wrong, but I’m taking a guess as to how the though process went:

Boring, boring, boring, perfect! I’m going to choose this dress, the one with the green peat moss growing out of it, and everyone will love it because it’s so fashion forward. Oh I know! I’m going to pair it with fishnets. That way, in case someone for some weird, bizarre reason doesn’t enjoy looking at The Dress, they can focus on my man-legs instead.

Here’s to hoping A-Rod is into bestiality.

Love,

your #1 fan

About the author

Aliza

a born and bred Manhattan-ite who graduated Lehigh University in 2007 with a degree in Journalism. She currently lives with her two patient roommates and works for Valentino Fashion Group where she handles a lot of garment bags, answers a lot of phones, and does a lot of what anyone tells her to (most eagerly in PR and Marketing). She favors brunch over lunch, heels over flats, tequila over vodka, downtown over uptown, and a tropical destination over pretty much anything else in the world.

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