Lifecycle of a Guido

Let’s face it… they have to come from somewhere.  Guidos, you may originate on Lawn Guylund, but it’s hard for us normal folk to really make sense of your existence.  So let’s start from the beginning.

First, an adequate Guido Womb is needed to house the growing Guido fetus.

When the Guido is born, he needs to be taught the ways of his Guido lifestyle from the very start.  Even the youngest of Guido babies need appropriate hair.

At some point, every Guido has to grow up.  So by the time the G.K. (guido kid) is 9 or 10, he will have forever-cemented L.A. Looks hairgel into his daily routine.

Before you know it, you’ve got a full grown Guido… ready to fist pump, collar pop, gold-chain-flaunt, and holla at all the gawjuss Guidettes around coastal Long Island.

But youth never lasts, and at some point, you’re just left with an old Guido in a visor…

…if all goes according to plan, the old man Guido can be found in his native habitat of Massapequa or Wildwood, NJ.