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In Defense (Again) of the Granny Panty

By • Jan 24th, 2012 • Category: Dating, SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS, Sex Life

Few articles of clothing are capable of inspiring such derisive feelings as the granny panty. Hold on, the granny undie. I know I’m a grown-up, but I still can’t get past that p-word.

I have a feeling that if you asked them, most men would say that the GU is the least sexy thing a woman can dress her under-self in. But with some further investigating, I’ll bet you’d find that uncovering modesty briefs will not cause a Command: Halt on bedside operations. It takes more than a freakishly high waist band for a guy to heave-ho and carry that voracious appetite of his out to Jack-in-the-Box. If you haven’t discovered this yourself, I’m happy to report that it’s very much true.

So if it’s not our audience who disapproves of the generous use of intimate gift wrap, then what’s the problem? The biggest opponents to granny undies, in my opinion, are obviously women. On the occasional day we opt (or are forced, via laziness to take the laundry out) to sport the granny undie, we walk around as though it’s a big, shameful secret, like a kid’s diaper, rather than just a full-on piece of adult underwear. I know of way too many women who’ve talked themselves out of what may have been awesome sex (ok, maybe just decent sex, but still!), simply because the state of their present underwear went by the name of a matronly senior citizen rather than one that’s a synonym for floss.

If you’re one of these women, don’t feel bad. It’s not your fault if you see the word “sexy” and don’t immediately think of underpants that reach to just below your boobs. Because what cultural proof to we have to support this? The only time we see these undies out and about is in a comedy skit, or tucked into the clearance section of Nordstrom Rack. That message is clear: GU’s are funny. Not sexy.

Please. Don’t get my P’s in a T. In my opinion, 2012 is primed to become the Year of the Granny Undie. It was already named “Favorite Panty” at the 2011 Undie Awards (yes, there is such a thing), but its star is just beginning to rise. And as this comprehensive defense written last year outlines, the G.U. has a bunch of logistical advantages working in its favor, in addition to nixing the negative connotations we’ve given it. Things like, eliminating muffin top and visible lines. And turning you into Bettie Page.

Women, it’s time we embrace our sexy-funny selves, and reclaim (er, claim for the first time?) the Granny Panty! Because if I’m able to get over my issues with saying that word, then you can get over wearing them.

Granny panties on, loving life [via]

Top image [via]


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is a coastal-hopping country-come-cosmo girl who can be found getting her feet dirty all around Brooklyn and writing all over the Internet. She is the probably lovechild of Jay-Z and Dolly Parton. Follow her on Twitter @karinabthatsme
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