How To Tell If You Are a Barbie and Ken Beard
Barbie and Ken are the poster children for fake relationships. If I ever saw a more obvious example of a gay guy and his beard living in a “dream house“, I think I might choke on my amuse-bouche, or Hugh Jackman’s chest hair. Whoever created these photos is a genius and an American treasure and should be celebrated on Valentines Day between bouts of excessive chocolate eating, and pretending that you are still happy with the same guy that you have been with since High school. Here are a few tests you can run to tell if you are a beard:
Your boyfriend uses your Venus razor. On his legs.
Guys nights out involve romcoms, martinis, and nights at the theater.
Your guy’s phone has any of the following applications: Grindr, Scruff, or “Floral Arrangement Fun-Party”.
He wants to cuddle more than you do, and when you have freaky sex he asks you to put on his football jersey and turn around.
When you are doing laundry, you find suspicious white stains on his pants. On the back.