How to Dump Your Psycho BoyfriendBy Gary • Apr 4th, 2012 • Category: Advice, Dating, SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS
Be more psycho. The reason this guy is dating you is for the drama of it, which you obviously must enjoy too or you wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. Have you ever heard the old adage “you know exactly what you want until you get it?” try texting him every hour on the hour calling him sappy names like biscuit-tits, honey-balls, and frenulum face, then exploding into a mega bitch when he doesn’t text back after 30 seconds.
Go behind his back. Psychos arent born, they are made. Invite his family to every event you go to, then just sit back and watch the free show. Hide your laughter when his mom calls him a p#ssy for wearing lavender and offer your support when he is sobbing on the toilet because his brother once anally penetrated him with a spoon on a dare rendering him incontinent around family.
Withhold sex. This works in any circumstance, whether your boyfriend is a psycho, a serial killer, or a republican.
Stop taking care of yourself. Cease all applications of deodorant, brushing of teeth, waxing of brows, and grooming of poon. Even buffalo bill wouldn’t want a girl whose vagina smells like one of the boats on The Biggest Catch. If he argues just call yourself a modern woman. It works for lesbians.
Fake a pregnancy. If you need tips on this, ask Beyonce. Normally a pregnancy will scare any guy away, or at least have them re-evaluating their future. Does he want kids? Fake a miscarriage. Rinse and repeat until he either gets emotionally divested or tires of the roller coaster ride of emotions of dating you.
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Gary is Gary is the gay guy that every girl wants to be, and every guy wants to be with (Mostly because he can't get pregnant). He is based in Manhattan, but loves traveling to exotic new people, and sleeping with interesting new places. He is an adventurous writer, photographer, and web designer that will try almost anything if it makes a good story.
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