Every day, I’m reminded by my best friend and partner-in-crime that I have a one-track mind, and that all I care to think about is sex. I’m not entirely sure where she would get this from; I’m nearly certain that everyone thinks about penises, vaginas, sex, and other related subjects as much as I do. They probably just aren’t as vocal about their thoughts, right? Nonethless, she’s convinced that I am, in fact, a man trapped in a woman’s body.
Photo Courtesy of GettyImages
Ha! I thought this was a novel concept, being trapped in the flesh of another gender. So, keeping in tune with my “one track mind”, I hit my point of maximum productivity (in fields unrelated to sex, that is) the other night, and decided to survey my perfectly normal friends about what they would do with genitalia of the opposite sex for a day.Â
Unsurprisingly, most dudes were creeped out at the thought of having a vagina:
Lana: Hey. If you had a vagina for a day, what would you do with it?
Hot Man Who Gets Mad Ladies: nothing
Lana: You wouldn’t like fuck with it, or get someone to go down on you, or ANYTHING? Come on…
HMWGML: not really … I’d probably hide it cause I’d be a freak.
HMWGML: it’s like a wart
Lana: omg, you seriously just called a vagina a wart?
HMWGML: if it suddenly popped up on my body for a day, I’d frankly rather be invisible.
—
Lana:Â If you had a vagina for a day, what would you do with it?
Media Bloke In Need of a Wallet: if I had a vagina? like in a jar?
MBNW:Â do I get to have female orgasms and that stuff?
MBNW:Â will I have it during my period?
Lana: Not in a jar. Between your legs, Ass.
Lana:Â And no period involved.
MBNW: I mean I guess the obvious is to just masturbate a lot. maybe lesbian sex?
Lana: You wouldn’t fuck?
MBNW: like fuck guys? why would I want to do that?
Lana: just for one day
MBNW: cause I don’t like guys
MBNW: I would use a vibrator.
MBNW: I would also use it as replacement for my wallet
MBNW: store stuff in it
MBNW: so I could wear tighter pants.
—
Lana: If you had a vagina for a day, what would you do with it?
Hilariously Weird Russian: Live in it. I’ve always wanted to live in a vagina.
—
But enough about vaginas. I prefer penises myself, and it seems as though females generally have a broader, “freer” imagination when it comes to temporarily owning a wiener:
Lana: If you had a penis for a day, what would you do with it?
Wild Girl Who Goes Wild:Â umm i would probably go wild with it
WGWGW: and jack off like all day
WGWGW:Â Â i would call out of work
WGWGW: cause my boss would understand
WGWGW:Â she would prob let me
Lana: Yes, I’m thinking there is lots to do in a day with a penis that you don’t usually have.
WGWGW: I would for sure flash people
Lana: I would whip it out on the street and pee.Â
Lana: Just because its a serious convenience over having to squat and aim away from your pants!
Lana:Â hahahaha
—
Lana: If you had a penis for a day, what would you do with it?
Girl Who Loves Penises In General : Would I be a girl with a penis?
GWLPIG:Â Or a guy?
Lana: yes
GWLPIG: Which?
Lana: Doesn’t matter – just a person with a penisÂ
GWLPIG: Well I would def need to get it sucked
GWLPIG:Â I would pee a lot
GWLPIG: I think I would just get it sucked either way, I don’t think I’d want to fuck anyone. I’d feel weird the next day if I fucked someone with my penis.
Lana:Â hahahaha! I never thought of that
GWLPIG:Â I would jerk off, too
GWLPIG: And I’d probably take a picture of it.
—
Lana:Â If you had a penis for a day, what would you do with it?
Another Man-Girl Trapped In a Girl’s Body:Â Dude, to be honest I would hire a shitload of hookers, stay in, and fuck all day.Â
Lana:Â Agreed.
And I can’t help but wonder – what would you all do with private parts of the opposite sex?
HAHAHA. I’ll never tell which is mine, although I rather enjoy my codename.
If you want some fun takes on this, get a copy of Dick for a Day by Fiona Giles (website:www.thebluedot.com/d4ad/index0.html)…she also put together a follow-up collection, Chick for a Day…after reading some of the creative responses in these collections, you may want to find a more imaginative circle of friends!
This sounds right up my alley of fun, thanks for the recommendation Joseph. And yes, I should get more interesting friends. They’re boring! All of them!
You can start with me…use me for future research! I’m sure you can squeeze a column out of me if you tried…