Five Reasons I Wish I Was Still a Kid

The other day as I was in line for a roller coaster in an amusement park, I got to thinking about what my younger self would say about my older self’s choices.

being an adult sucks

Overall, I think I would be pretty damn happy. I stay up as late as I want, eat whatever I want, and can go anywhere on a whim. All that said, in some ways being an adult sucks. Taxes, relationships, failed blowjobs, and working for a living are enough to drive most people to bury their sorrows in a bottle of liquor or the lap of a stripper. So here are 10 reasons I wish I was still a kid.

When you are a kid, you can poop in your pants. Think about how much time you waste sitting on the toilet, wishing for some movement that will never come, since you haven’t been eating much fiber.

When you are a kid, you aren’t scared of anything. I used to jump off the roof of my house onto a trampoline, then onto a pile of leaves. Nowadays, I am scared to even walk down the street for fear of being mauled by a CitiBike.

When you are a kid, the only rules you have to follow are the ones set by your parents. As an adult you have to pay attention to stupid things like laws. I wish I knew how immune to the law I was as a kid, I would have done a lot more horrible shit.

When you are a kid, your body bounces back faster. I have been in bed for 8 hours now, nursing a hangover. This would never have happened if I was 13.

As a kid you can eat whatever you want without worrying about gaining weight. Nowadays every time I eat an entire pizza by myself I have to worry that I will look like a pregnant Dominican woman the next day.

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By Gary
Gary is the gay guy that every girl wants to be, and every guy wants to be with (Mostly because he can't get pregnant). He is based in Manhattan, but loves traveling to exotic new people, and sleeping with interesting new places. He is an adventurous writer, digital artist, and game designer that will try almost anything if it makes a good story. --Instagram: @garyadrianrandall --Twitter: @gadrianrandall