Dating SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS

Date My Friend Jeremy… he’s hot & surprisingly straight

Written by Bryce

He’s cute, awesome, and not gay!

I’ve posted a few “Date My Friend” stories on here before, and sadly, none of them resulted in a perfect match. This time around, I’m presenting to you a nearly perfect specimen of humanity: my friend Jeremy.

I’ve known Jeremy for about 7 years, and first met him as the wild and funny friend of my then boyfriend. Boyfriend eventually was replaced, but Jeremy has remained in tact as wild and funny friend… and that says something, I think. He’s 29 (soon to be 30, ladies), and an accomplished actor and voice-over artist. You’ve probably already heard him as the voice of Comcast, and being featured as “Kowalski” in the KillZone 3 videogame franchise (yeah, his work is basically pure sex). He’s cute, well-traveled (Peru, Lagos, Dublin, Paris… you name it), and ultra-casual. I suspect he’d be a good dad, too, because when I was visiting at his apartment this weekend with my 2 year old son, he instantly whipped out a Ninja Turtle action figure to entertain the little guy. It worked, and within minutes both boys (Jeremy and my Benny) were jumping up and down clapping and laughing.

I imagine a date with Jeremy would be something relaxed and fun- he’s a simple guy that loves casual food like burgers, steakhouse style dinners, and he wants everyone to know that, “I steer clear of fist pumping clubs, and velvet ropes give me agida.”


So here are the stats:
  • He’s 5’8″ (and yes, that’s really 5’8″…not like an online dating profile number that adds 2-4″)
  • In good shape
  • Has never tried gay sex, despite his musical theater lineage
  • Talks to his mom at least once a week
  • Wants a girl that’s 5’6″ or smaller, and between the ages of 24-29
When I asked him if he’s into weird, kinky stuff he responded, “I’m an old-fashioned kind of guy. Blindfolds and cuffs are just fine for me.” I followed up with, “Would you say your penis is good, great, or best?”
…his answer?
“Why is ‘legendary’ not an option?”

If you want a date with Jeremy, please post the following as a comment:

  • Your first name
  • Age
  • City of residence
  • 2-3 sentences about your personality and what you look like

About the author

Bryce

Bryce Gruber is a Manhattanite mom who can be found jet-setting off to every corner of the globe. She loves exotic places, planes with WiFi, summer clothes, & Sucre brown butter truffles. Bryce's aim is to do to luxury what Elton John did to being gay. Follow her on twitter @brycegruber

9 Comments

  • Danielle, 24.
    A cute, bite-size taste of Long Island, which is just enough Long Island for anyone. Most likely to be found baking cupcakes or at a casual happy hour in Manhattan after work. I’ll be the hazel-eyed brunette at the beach this summer while I’m renting a house on the water a mere 45 minutes away from the city and my wonderful job at a non-profit.

  • Hi! So I’m two years under his younger limit, but everyone deserves a shot right?
    So, obviously my name is Courtney. I’m 22 (yeah I know, but I’m always told I act older than I actually am…count that on the plus side). I live in Boston, but since I will officially be rid of my current school situation in may I’m moving elsewhere (where to…who knows. As long as there is a job waiting and some sort of writing involved I will probably be there. Fingers Crossed it’s somewhere in Europe though)
    Hmm, my personality. Well I’m pretty great for starters. I’m really fun and love kids (so much that I worked at a sleep away camp last summer…wasn’t the best choice but I now know how to build a fire and pitch a tent.) Well I think I have surpassed my sentence limit (sorry about that), but best of luck finding your friend an awesome date. He seems like so much fun and definitely deserves someone great!

  • Jill- 27- Manhattan
    (This is kind of embarrassing…but what the heck, he’s cute and has McDreamy hair)
    I’m a preschool teacher, I teach two and three year old kids, which is exhausting at times but really rewarding. What could be better than getting hugs and being silly all day? I’m such a goof ball, but I of course have a serious side to me too. I started out studying musical theater but later realized it was a hobby, and that I was really good with children (but I still love to sing and dance pretty much anywhere). In my free time I like to cook, read, run, travel, play with my nephew, write, horseback ride, hang out with friends, and be a lazy bum on occasion. I’m 5’3/5’4 dark hair, dark eyes, cute little Jewish girl. I would describe my boobs the same way you describe your penis, and I share your stance on kinky stuff. Hope to hear from you :o)

  • Although there’s one…maybe two qualities that disqualify me from the competition (I’m 3 months short of turning 24, and I’m located in Atlanta), I’m absolutely shocked that a guy like him hasn’t been snatched yet. I understand that it’s pretty difficult to find a decent person to date (It’s been about 2 yrs since my last relationship, and 6 or so months since my last date..), but with the qualities that you listed as well as the funny comments he added (legendary sized penis), I couldn’t help but email. Anyways, let me get down to why I’m emailing so I can get back to work… if Jeremy is ever in Atlanta, GA and he’s free, let him know that I would love to take him out (my treat). Oh and if you were curious…

    Name: Christina
    Age: 23
    Residence: Atlanta, GA
    Filipina, 5’1, currently working on competing in a 5k in May. I’m a HUGE theatre buff, but unfortunately I’m not involved in any local shows (I have a full-time job at the moment). Definitely career driven, but I’d like to think of myself as a mix of Carrie Bradshaw and Samantha Jones (PR-wise).

  • Becca-24-Manhattan

    I agree Christina! Cute, funny, and sweet…guys like that don’t come along very often…

    I just moved to the city over the summer to pursue my dancing career. It’s been hard, but I’ve been getting a lot of go-go gigs so at least I don’t have to wait tables. I love dirty martinis, thai food, and snuggling and watching movies all day. I’m 5’6, athletic (I love to run), with blond hair and blue eyes.

    You sound like a great guy. Hope you find a great girl.

  • This is a super funny little post! I wouldn’t normally do a post for this(isn’t that what they all say…) but he had me at Killzone 3…Anyway,so here’s the deets:
    Name:Ashley aka Ash
    Age-27 goin on 14/68
    City-NYC
    2-3-sentence descript: my facebook says “hurricane in a teacup”. I’m petite(5’1) but with a big personality and heart. Dark brown hair, brown eyes, blah blah blah. Former Southern girl, lives in Brooklyn now. I love southern food, amazing frilly dresses on a sale rack, and playing sick on the first two days of the NCAA college bball tourney, so I can watch like all 15 of the games. And Bryce knows my mama, Mary, who says hi by the way!

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