As everyone knows, Mayor Bloomberg has proposed a ban on the sale of large sugary drinks in New York City. I love this because I’m a proponent of any effort aimed at increasing the attractiveness of a population. Manhattan’s population is already so close to being prettier than any other, so taking away huge cups of liquid sugar is a step in the right direction. The infamous 7-Eleven Big Gulp, however, somehow became an exception to the Bloomberg rule.
This is so unfortunate for several grave reasons. 1. Big Gulps exist. I hate the word “gulp,” and there are four versions of it at 7-Eleven: Gulps, Big Gulps, Super Big Gulps, and Double Gulps. Ew. I don’t think I can even type the G-word again. 2. A Double Gulp of Coca-Cola has 600 calories. That’s, like, an entire day’s calorie intake for my chic roommate. 3. The fact that Big Gulps are one of 7-Eleven’s best sellers. People just shouldn’t buy them, and then they wouldn’t be obese. It’s as simple as that. Everyone just needs to take a hint from all the homeless people lining the streets of Midtown. Homeless people have great bodies, and how do you think they get them? By not buying Big Gulps. 4. The fact that their packaging pairs the colors orange and green a.k.a. the antithesis of chic and a heinously colored pathway to a burgeoning obesity epidemic in NYC.
*Disclaimer* I am from Florida; therefore, I kind of like 7-Eleven.
*Other disclaimer* I wouldn’t be caught dead with a Big Gulp.