Cucumber Masturbation?!

Written by Bryce

Hopefully you can’t get preggos from salad ingredients.

Stella, yes, you can use plastic wrap to avoid bacteria, but it probably won’t prevent cucumber babies.  Thanks for teaching your daughter about safe masturbation!


About the author


Bryce Gruber is a Manhattanite mom who can be found jet-setting off to every corner of the globe. She loves exotic places, planes with WiFi, summer clothes, & Sucre brown butter truffles. Bryce's aim is to do to luxury what Elton John did to being gay. Follow her on twitter @brycegruber


  • 11 is not THAT bad, I started using a cucumber when I was around 12

    My main issue is with her concern with keeping the cucumber clean. Cucumbers are for one time use only and should be disposed of when you’re done… so it doesn’t really matter.

  • That is a troubled household.
    Is a mother really asking an online website if plastic wrap is a safe alternative to a condom…for her daughter to use on a cucumber for masturbation?!!! There are so many things wrong with this one. Im actually amazed and dumbfounded by this one.

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