Bryce Gruber’s Thoughts of the Day (pube trimming edition)
Today’s thoughts will either inspire you to groom your pubes more diligently, or just stop reading this website altogether. Your choice.
1) “My Dad’s Penis is Hairier than Yours.” Without naming names, there’s a close friend of mine that is a good looking single dad. He’s in great shape, muscular, wears designer jeans and overall gives off the appearance that he’s probably pretty diligent about all things peen-related (it should also be noted that he’s fairly tall, so it’s safe to assume that his penis is big enough to get good reviews). His kid is in grammar school and recently got into a “my dad is better than yours” argument outside his class. It went something like this:
“My dad is the smartest!” Kid 1
“My dad is the tallest!” Kid 2
“My dad is the strongest!” Kid 3
“My dad’s penis is the hairiest!!!” My friend’s kid.
…a few minutes later an eavesdropping mother reported the story back to my friend, at which point he blushed, collected his child from the school yard, and drove him home in a rush. This story obviously inspired me to help my friend, because I cherish his friendship and don’t want him to suffer this schoolyard pain ever again. My solution? The . It’s under $40, has an extendable handle for “hard to reach areas” and is quick and painless to use. He can trim his balls to perfection with this device. Let’s all be real, perfectly trimmed balls are like perfect icing on a cupcake- totally necessary for some in-the-mouth action.
My friend will be receiving this gift shortly, and will be encouraged heavily to report back on his experience. Stay tuned.
2) I Don’t Really Like Skittles. They get caught in my teeth.