ENTERTAINMENT SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS

Bryce Gruber’s Thoughts of the Day (manners edition)

Written by Bryce

Bad manners and nipple petals.

If you can do what you do best and be happy, you’re further along in life than most people. -Leonardo DiCaprio

1. Have You Seen This Sign?! I’m not sure exactly how I feel about this. Anyone care to weigh in?

2. Speaking of manners… I was out with Ashley the other night for the opening of a new restaurant. When I was there I bumped into a guy I haven’t seen in a few years, but used to sort of work with. I always liked “Jerry” because he was a man with strong family values. At the time we worked together, he seemed to be a loving husband to his wife of 9 or 10 years, and a devoted father to his kids. I always thought that if I ever got married it’d be to a man with similar values. Ooph, was I wrong. When I saw him at this party he was mildly drunk, parading around a woman who was not his wife, and excited to see me as he stared down my shirt. I know I should’ve casually brushed the whole encounter off, but I was so disappointed by the whole experience (mostly because he crushed MY dream of nice family dudes), that I was a total bitch to him at the party.

Him: Heyyyyy Bryce, nice to see you!

Me: Hey Jerry, how’s life? Looks like you’re, uh, enjoying the party.

Him: Yeah! You remember Tiffany, right? (motioning in the direction of a slutty-ish looking girl about 20 years his junior)

Me: Nope, Jerry, I haven’t seen you in a long time. No idea who Tiffany is, but nice to meet. (me giving crooked smile)

Him: (eyes bulging the eff out of his head)

Me: How are your kids?

Him: (sighs) They’re getting big! Uh… how bout yours?

Me: Oh good! I’m going to go grab a glass of water… it’s hot out there. Bye.

In retrospect, I feel pretty bad. The girl, Tiffany, might’ve been lovely. In fact, I’m pretty sure I was on the receiving end of several encounters/conversations just like that when I was with Benny’s dad. The moral of this story is that I’m a little disappointed in realizing that even “good” family men have weak spots, and even more disappointed in myself for being a judgmental ass.

3. Nipple Petals. I was the first one into the office this morning, so I had a fair amount of time to get the AC on full blast before sitting at my desk. It’s hot as balls for those of you living outside NYC right now. Really, sweat-dripping-down-your-body levels of heat. About an hour after I got in, one of our other staff writers dragged her body through the door, exhausted-looking, and then let out a giant, “SH*T, I’m so sweaty my nipple petals fell off.”

That’s right. She was wearing some weird-strappy top that required a braless existence as she let out her battle cry, and apparently the heat was just too much for her nipples to take. This was obviously hard news to handle, because everyone knows that sensitive nipples risk chaffing when paired with nothing but an Urban Outfitters poly-blend fabric ensemble.

manners photo [ via ]

About the author

Bryce

Bryce Gruber is a Manhattanite mom who can be found jet-setting off to every corner of the globe. She loves exotic places, planes with WiFi, summer clothes, & Sucre brown butter truffles. Bryce's aim is to do to luxury what Elton John did to being gay. Follow her on twitter @brycegruber

3 Comments

  • I like the “Thank you for controlling your children” part. Not sold on the “their manners reflect your love for them” part. I would either delete that sentence altogether, as the message still comes across loud and clear, or change it to “their manners reflect on you.” Its mildly offensive as is. Love for your child should never be questioned by anyone, let alone a store clerk!

  • Yeah Brice, I think you were being judgmental towards the guy and his date. Been years since you saw him, so probably he was separated from his wife and just maybe going through a rough patch. lol im pretty sure you were a gossip item like “Tiffany” when you were with Benny’s dad.
    Hey dont beat yourself up about it, we all make mistakes, Cheers!

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