Bryce Gruber’s Thoughts of the Day (get this baby out edition)

“To enter life by way of vagina is as good as any.” Henry Miller (this, by the way, is a real quote)

1. I’m enormous. And not just in the typical 3rd trimester way… I mean, everyone is sort of enormous at this point (except my strange friend Melody who got through an entire pregnancy only gaining like 14 lbs and birthed an 8 pounder). Just so we’re clear, the photo above was taken a few weeks ago and I’ve grown substantially since then. At my last OBGYN appointment I mentioned to the doc that I was feeling particularly large- much rounder in the belly area than I was with my first. She measured me and sent me for an ultrasound. What I learned was that this baby will be significantly bigger than my first, bigger than most normal human babies. There are 2 possible reasons for this: either there’s a supermodel growing in my uterus or half-Middle Eastern babies come complete with weapons that weigh at least 2 pounds by the time they emerge from vaginas. It’s hard to say for sure.

2. I mentioned the weapon thing to my OBGYN. She responded, “do you know how many weird things I find in vaginas?”

3. I’m looking for serious recommendations. It’s been 4 years since I’ve packed a hospital bag, and I think I did OK last time, but obviously there’s new, cool stuff out there that’ll make it all go smoother. Anyone have any jazzy recommendations for what kept them sane in the hospital? Here’s what I’ve packed so far:

Two nursing bras

One large tin of organic shea butter (good for lips, skin, baby’s tush, etc). I love this one by L’Occitane

3-4 particularly cute (and gender-neutral) onesies and baby nightgowns in bigger-than-newborn size

2 nursing nightgowns

Yoga pants

My hot pink and black Therafit sneakers (walking through labor, walking to reduce swelling… I’m just trying to be comfy)

Mascara (I want the first photos to be good ones, you know?)

A good, paraben-free facewash

A dark chocolate bar (because hospital food doesn’t exactly come with satisfying snacks or desserts)

4. Ethnic names. Recently, my friend Jenny let one of my name ideas slip in front of my mom. Now, this is typically a bad idea because my mother doesn’t agree with anything I think, say, do, feel, or experience. I mean, down to the point of me saying something like “chocolate chip cookies are great!” …she’ll instantly quip, “oatmeal raisin are much better.” So, when Jenny let one of the name ideas slip, my mother let a giant breath of air go before exclaiming “oh, that’s SO ETHNIC.” Ummmm, yeah, and we’re a little ethnic too, Ma. Aside from that, I like the name, and just because you’re blonde/blue doesn’t mean you don’t eat strange and smelly foods in the privacy of your own home. If you’re reading this, I’d love to hear your thoughts on “ethnic” names. Are you down for some spice or hate the idea?

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PS I started acupuncture for pregnancy recently. It’s glorious. Recommend to EVERYONE.

Bryce Gruber is a Manhattanite mom who can be found jet-setting off to every corner of the globe. She loves exotic places, planes with WiFi, summer clothes, & Sucre brown butter truffles. Bryce's aim is to do to luxury what Elton John did to being gay. Follow her on twitter @brycegruber

  • Pax

    Not sure which hospital you’re at, but my sister is at St. Luke’s (literally right now, baby imminent!) and they have a policy about not plugging in any electronics. Weird, right?

    But at any rate, some sort of portable battery pack might be a good idea, as you can’t have a baby these days without someone texting and Tweeting family members, right? Something like this: http://www.amazon.com/New-Trent-IMP100P-External-Blackberry/dp/B007IMPTNQ/

    As far as ethnic, hells yeah! Don’t be shy. My name isn’t exactly ethnic, but it’s Latin, and I love it. Bring the spice, in food as well as in life!