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Awful Dating Advice of the Day: Do Whatever (You Think) He Wants (You) to Do

By • Mar 20th, 2012 • Category: Advice, SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS

Magazines are not typically bastions of enlightenment. But most of the time, their dating advice is way too general to make a fuss over. The tips are fun to read, if not always completely useful. I think of them as a semi-sensible map that can’t quite get me to my destination but will nonetheless provide some lighting for my trip. Something like the crazy aunt/uncle of spiritual guides. But then I found this tiny piece of wisdom on first date ideas, from major mag Marie Claire. Get ready to ride the lame train:

Suggest a brewery tour and he’ll think you’re the coolest girl in the world. Make the factory setting more romantic by playing footsie during the introductory video and holding hands during the bottling demos. By the time you’re ready to taste-test, he’ll already be drunk on love.

Hold up. Any guy who hands out his Coolest Girl in the World sash to someone who simply brings him to a brewery is officially not that cool. That’s a minimum standard, par for the cool course, and anybody who finds it that extraordinary will probably have other misguided ideas of what women enjoy and don’t enjoy. And can you seriously imagine this guy being psyched over some chick trying to grind on his foot while he’s trying to concentrate on the proper temperatures required to reach fermentation? Breweries are not for hand-holding. They are for day-drinking and aspirational idealizing over your next career move as an award-winning brewmaster. And it’s true, any guy would be down to recreate the magic once the tour is done. The magic of his sweet beer buzz.

The lesson here? All advice is not created equal. If it were, I’d be married with three kids to the first guy who spun the Coke bottle in my direction back in 7th grade. Not because anyone told me I had to lock down the first person I locked lips with. But because it’s a totally fun, cute story to tell the grandkids. While I tend to agree wholeheartedly with that equation, it probably wouldn’t have led me to much luck with love. There’s good advice. And then there’s comedy. Be yourself on a date. If that doesn’t have a funny ring to it, it’s because it’s just plain true.

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is a coastal-hopping country-come-cosmo girl who can be found getting her feet dirty all around Brooklyn and writing all over the Internet. She is the probably lovechild of Jay-Z and Dolly Parton. Follow her on Twitter @karinabthatsme
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