Thank you, thank you, thank you, oh gods of cuteness, cats and alcohol!  My life will never be the same.

The unbearable attraction to cuteness and silly little brightly colored Asian things has been slowly evolving on this side of the Pacific.  A Kimora Lee Simons collection here, a Target toaster there, Kitty and friends have been winning over the impressionable souls of everyone, from 3 to 83.

Finding a Hello Kitty product that doesn’t scream “I’m 12!” is not easy – just ask my friends who borrowed my managerial accounting notes on bright pink HK paper.  But now, rejoice: you can admire the cuteness and be an adult (kind of)! Enter Hello Kitty wine.

According to LA Weekly, the adorable vino comes in four varieties:

Hello Kitty Sparkling Brut Rose – A deep reddish pink sparkling rose made from 100 percent Pinot Noir.
Hello Kitty Sparkling “Sweet Pink” (Half Size) – This semi-sweet sparkler sports a pale pink hue and has very delicate bubbles.
Hello Kitty Angel White – A “blanc” white wine made entirely from Pinot Noir free run juice.
Hello Kitty Devil Red – A classically rendered Pinot Noir

I am absolutely sold and desperately in love.  I just cannot wait to sip the Pinot and squeal from Teh Cute.  The wines are imported from Italy, and while it doesn’t guarantee they taste good, it does give me hope that they might.

PS Disclaimer:  This blogger did not receive free samples from Sanrio or it’s affiliates, but would really love to.

This is absolutely brilliant.

Ladies, write this down: www.inumbr.com

inumbr lets you use a fake (or, as they call it, “temporary”) phone number that will forward the call to your phone, so you never have to give out your digits to some random sketchbag (um, why would you ever?).  So, if you’re not exactly trusting your judgement after the third martini, make sure you’ve got some digits with an expiration date.

But no expiration date is going to help if you give your number to these guys:

Enjoy your weekend!

I don’t like cereal. Nor do I particularly dig granola mixes: the couple of times I was going to be good and buy one there was always something in it I did like.  So, understandably, when I got a chance to try the new Moja Mix I was a little apprehensive.

The concept is genius: you make your own mix on the easy-to-use mojamix.com and they ship your selection.  You get to choose a base, add dried fruits and berries, and then add nuts and seeds. The choices are crazy and amazing. Hazelnuts? Check. Acai berries? Check. Ch-ch-chia seeds? Um, yep.  Other cool features include nutritional information that appears as you mix your cereal and a chance to give it a unique name to boot.  (There are also pre-mixed popular mixes, if you’re not feeling particularly creative)

I made several mixes online and got them a couple of days later in vacuum sealed bags. I ate my first sampling without anything, just to get the idea – it was the mix that had coconut crisp, hazelnuts, acai berries, cherries and chocolate coffee beans, to name a few. It was delicious, crunchy and chewy at the same time, and I felt so good afterwards that I spent some time googling whether there are any psychedelic chemicals in acai berries, or chia seeds.   In fact, my first thought after I ate a handful was “What am I gonna do when this runs out?”

MojaMix, your clever mixes, healthy ingredients and a chance to play with my food got me completely converted.  Mix yours up at www.mojamix.com

I’m a big fan of combining antioxidants with alcohol:  if you’re going to drink anyway, might as well have something remotely good for you!   From my special Green-Tea-ni you’ll get natural energy and antioxidants of green tea, and all kinds of goodness from the acai berries that are said to improve digestion, help detox (yeah, vodka detox) and improve sexual performance.

Here is what I did with the Village Tea Sassy Green Tea with Acai:

Anna’s Sassy Green-Tea-Ni

Step 1: Infuse vodka with green tea: steep a tea bag with about 2 teaspoons of tea in about a cup of vodka, the longer the better.  You can use a mason jar, or pour the loose leaves into the bottle and then strain. Mine steeped for a week.

You can make a whole batch – green tea vodka is seriously great in cocktails.

Step 2: Make simple syrup, but with honey instead of sugar.  Mix 2 parts water and 1.5 parts honey and mix thoroughly.

Step 3: Mix 2 oz infused vodka, 1 oz honey syrup and 1/2oz fresh lemon juice and shake over ice.  You can add a splash of soda water to taste.

Garnish with a thin slice of peach to pick up those subtle dried-peach notes from the tea.

I’ll be serving this all throughout the holidays.

Cheers!

P.S. Unfortunately, I drank my martini before I thought to take a picture. If you use my recipe, do me a favor, snap one?

So many ways to be excited about Halloween!  Pumpkins,  candy, trick-or-treating, dressing up in slutty costumes…   EATING BREAD THAT LOOKS LIKE HUMAN FLESH?…

Yeah, that’s actually bread.  Thai artist Kittiwat Unarrom makes head (and other body parts and organs)- molds and then decorates the gory fleshy dough with chocolate and food coloring.

Happy Halloween!  Mmm, I think I’m skipping my breakfast toast today…

(and thank you always, weird asia news)

Coffee-crusted steak?  Coffee wings? Weird or delicious?

When Starbucks sent us some samples of their new VIA instant coffee, I thought it would be a fun challenge to come up with recipes that use coffee in non-traditional ways.  After some googling, I got plenty of ideas of what can be done.  Then I gave myself two days to complete them in my teeny tiny kitchen.

The guy at the supermarket checkout looked at me in silent awe as I was buying seven different kinds of meat products:  steaks, chicken wings, ribs, ham, ground beef, pork chops and beef for the stew.

Over the course of the weekend I made a whole lot of different recipes, and definitely learned a few things. First, I wish I had a dishwasher. Second, meat with coffee only sounds extremely strange – but tastes amazing, and, in most cases, not at all like coffee! And third,  any time you use chili powder or hipotle peppers, you can go ahead and add some coffee, because it will only make it better.

One of the easiest things to make when cooking meat with coffee is steak.  I made mine two ways:  one marinated in coffee, and one in the coffee crust.  Rib eye steak works well for these, or you can get your favorite cut.

Coffee-Marinated Steak:
2 T Worcestershire sauce
About 2 cups of chilled Starbucks VIA Medium Roast
Combine the ingredients in a plastic bag with the steak, marinate in the refrigerator for at least 2 hours or overnight.

Coffee-Crusted Steak:
2 T ground cumin
2 T very coarse ground pepper
1 packet Starbucks VIA Italian roast
Combine the crust ingredients on a plate, coat the steak with the mixture on all sides, and let it sit in the fridge for about 2 hours.

Cooking technique for both versions is the same: using a cast-iron pan, sear on each side for about 2-3 minutes, then finish it up in the 500F oven for about 5 minutes for medium-rare.

The marinated steak is tender, juicy and delicious – and it doesn’t taste one bit like coffee.  The coffee flavor of the crusted one is way more intense but it combines very nicely with the cumin and pepper, adding unexpected depth.

Then this Saturday I went to the Fluff Festival in Union Sq in Somerville – turns out that the great American sugary spread was invented right here near Boston in 1913!   So I got inspired, and upon returning home I created a Fluff-based dessert that went with my coffee theme.  I called it Poor Man’s Tiramisu

Poor Man’s Tiramisu
Two sweet crackers (I used almond thins)
½ Nutella
½ Fluff
½ packet of Starbucks VIA Italian roast

Spread the Nutella on the crackers, artfully stack them, scoop the Fluff on top and sprinkle the coffee.  Yum!!!

For other recipes that I made this weekend using coffee, check out my blog:
Chipotle and Coffee Chicken Wings
Beef Stew with Coffee
Coffee Chili
Coffee Baked Beans
Coffee Honey Cake
Coffee-Braised Beef Ribs
Red-eye Gravy
Coffee BBQ sauce

Imagine you’re 73 years old.  Imagine you live in Everett, Washington, happily surrounded by your five children and seven grandchildren.  And then, one day, sometime between Bingo and the evening news, inspiration strikes and you decide to PAINT EYES ON SOMEONE’S ASS.

Even better, when later the, um, artist (designer? Prop manager?) was interviewed about the sources of such unusual inspiration, the aforementioned grandfather of seven said that the idea came to him when he was checking out “a woman walking past him” and thought her ass was winking it at him.

All designs are hand-painted according to the individual landscape of your butt.  ”

I have nothing to add to this kind of artistic fervor.

Except, maybe this:

Cuddle tourism is the best way to travel.

And no, I’m not just talking about creepy cuddle parties where you get to snuggle with strangers.

Though that’d be interesting, too.

Cuddling cute animals is the new and best way to travel around the world.  On your next visit to Tokyo make sure to visit the popular Calico Cafe.

Calico prides itself in having 20 resident cats that you can snuggle for a modest price of $9.  The place is super-popular, so reservations are required.  However, this fabulous experience comes with some conditions:  you cannot bring in catnip (BUMMER!) and you may “never wake a napping kitty or pick one up if it resists you”.  Also, no one under 5^th grade is allowed in – which is OK, since some of them are too busy playing erotic games online, anyway.

If cats are not your can of Whiskas but you’re in Tokyo anyway, try this place! 18 staff bunnies are available to offer you some furry cuddles while you’re enjoying your coffee.  I recommend the second one down on the right – his fluffy muzzle would make any latte infinitely better.

If you’ve got a bit more time and a tiny bit more dough you can even rent a pet for the weekend. Seems like a horrible idea to me, considering the pet’s well-being.   A similar service in the U.S. caused a lot of controversy and is “on hold” for now, pending some legislature that will hopefully ban this.

However, sad news for the visitors of Australia.  Even though the Australian tourism industry has made craploads of money from tourists hanging out with koalas, now the animals are considered “vulnerable though not yet endangered”.  The poor little cuties are very sensitive and they get freaked out by so many people touching them.  In fact, they freak out so much that they are in danger of actually dying from stress.
So, lesson learned: keep your paws off the koalas, people!

Should you choose not to leave the good US of A, try a vacation on Cape Cod:  many B&Bs on the Cape have amazing resident pets that you can play with and, that’s right, cuddle!

Seriously, though. You want some non-committal fluffalicious pet lovin’? Stop by your local pet rescue shelter.  Don’t be silly

Dear amazon.com seller,

Thanks for the textbook.   I also really appreciate you brightening up my otherwise dull and mundane walk up to my apartment yesterday. Turns out it’s way more fun when you meet your neighbors while holding this box:

AND it’s a gift that keeps on giving – I’m guessing every time that I see the aforementioned neighbors!

It’s gonna be great.  Now, if you excuse me, to live up to my neighborhood sexpot status, I gotta go rub some sort of edible substance all over my body.  Perhaps Kama Sutra would like to send me some samples?…

Asian countries regularly hand us our asses in all things cute and also all things very weird (and sometimes both).  Rabbits wearing  sweaters, sperm banks with a personal touch, you name it.

So you know how I was talking about vodka watermelons a few posts back? Well, here is an EVEN BETTER idea and a surefire way to get some lovin’ and some antioxidants:  get this new Japanese heart-shaped watermelon.  It took the couple that created it 3 years to perfect their craft.  You can have it all for a bargain of $160 – which is practically nothing when you think about the effect. (Filling it up with vodka or some sort of controlled substance is optional)

And if your honey is not a watermelon-lover, serve up some heart-shaped cucumbers, also offered by the geniuses over on the other side of the planet.   In fact, you can even mold your own.