Well, needless to say, it’s been a minute. I know, I know, I’ve been missed. As much as I’d love if this was some plotted comeback  a la Britney Spears, I’m not that talented (or apt at showing off my vag).  I’ve been head-over-Loubs busy living the life of the struggling Manhattanite (read: trying to find [...]

Bacon. The meat of meats. Its uniqueness can be credited to its transient abilities. Like the three phases of matter in our universe, bacon can, also, survive in three different states of being. It’s accouterment, as in, “I’ll have a side of bacon with my Denny’s ‘Lumberjack Slam’ breakfast.” It can be a seasoning, as in, “I’ll need [...]

The search for a perfectly baked cookie is comparable to the search for a perfect man. They have to be sweet, but not sweet enough where they make you gag. They have to be mushy on the inside, but not mushy enough that you vomit (from raw food consumption or….love-professing songs…). They have to be [...]

Tom Petty – American Girl
Eric Clapton – Cocaine
Doobie Brothers – Black Water
David Essex – Rock On
Lou Reed – Walk on the Wild Side
Three Dog Night – Shambala
ACDC – Highway to Hell
Greatful Dead – Casey Jones
Allman Brothers – Midnight Rider
Ram Jam – Black Betty
Creedence Clearwater [...]

Today Victoria Beckham introduced her new campaign with Emporio Armani Underwear and all I have to say is: fuck me in the fembot are you KIDDING. I’d like to know what planet this lady descended from because, let’s be real, it’s not the Earth I know and love with its 24-hour Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.

As much [...]

A pro- Al-Qaeda magazine recently published an article highlighting effective workout tips for the wannabe Islamic extremist. “Jihad Recollections,” not to be confused with Cosmo, has posted several suggestions on how to be the BEST Jihadist figher you can be! Thus, I have come up with the most important reasons why I will never be an Islamic extremist [...]

When I wake up in the morning, there are three things I immediately need to know:
1. Who is this person next to me
2. Do I need an umbrella today
3. Is it iced coffee weather
Although I struggle with the first two, number three is now the easiest part of my day with:
IsItIcedCoffeeWeather.Com
Soon I hope to have [...]

I have a few guilty pleasures in life. Chocolate, shoes and bearded men being only a few. However, one night while eating chocolate, buying shoes online, and dreaming about a yet-unknown, facial-hair-blessed man, I happened to catch an episode The Real Housewives of New York. These woman made me want to splash acid in my [...]

I hope that one day in the far, far future, when I’m teaching my adolescent, strikingly handsome yet abstinent-until-marriage son the ins and outs (pun intended) of sex, I can pull upon the wise, profound, age-old fingering-wisdom of Matthew McConaughey’s father.
Matthew was recently quoted as saying, “My dad taught me if you ever make [...]

Ladies, we all know the feeling. It’s 9 am, you open your eyes, and you don’t recognize your surroundings. And you also don’t remember how your thong wound up in your hair. There’s a man next to you, his name may or may not be James, and he may or may not be the owner [...]