Science Says, You’re Not Thin or Plump Enough
By Steph • Jun 11th, 2009 • Category: SEX AND RELATIONSHIPSThis whole time, I’ve been trying to figure out why I can’t lock a man down. Is it because I don’t call often enough? Is it because I watch I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here? I know… it must be the black outs. It’s the black outs, right?
It turns out I was completely off-base. According to science, I am just not little OR big enough to attract the opposite sex! A recent study showed that a group of 100 men consistently chose the photos of women averaging size 14 as the more attractive bunch when holding their weight up against supermodels (average there’s-no-such-size-as-that-so-we’ll-sew-a-pretend-label-inside-the-clothes-but-honestly-you’re-way-too-fucking-skinny).
So, for ladies anywhere in the middle, you’re pretty much fucked. Your boobs need to be a 36, your waist is not small enough (28), and your ass… you better work on that (pump it up to a 38 and then we’ll talk). If you are those exact proportions, you should have no problem getting laid. I mean it’s actually simple: fine-tune your bod until you look like Jessica Rabbit or Marilyn Monroe (who was a size 16). Obtaining those proportions is just A HELL OF A LOT easier than becoming a size zero, amiright?
Also, on behalf of men everywhere, please dye your hair blonde, remain clean-shaven at all times, do not use the bathroom ever, and bid your friend cellulite adieu.
That all being said, can I quit working out now?
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- Plump & Fat. Just How I Like ‘Em.
- Political Science
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- White House Black Market 65% Off
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Steph is a born-and-bred Brooklyn brunette prone to excessive alliteration. A frequenter of NYC nightlife, she's been known to bounce from seedy to swanky affairs without missing a beat. Armed with nothing but an iPod and a good book, Steph can be found channeling Zooey Deschanel anywhere below Union Square. Her kryptonite? Loud music, big hair, and French martinis. Check out her side project,The Ugly New Yorker.
All posts by Steph
haaaaa
YES!! Just get on unemployment and you’ll be set!!!
hmm steph can we just drink ourselves to a size 14? i’ll grab a box of wine